You can get a massage every week, keep up with your Pilates routine, and still talk to yourself like someone you can’t stand.
I think people confuse self-love with self-care. Loving yourself doesn’t mean booking another appointment. What happens when the appointment is over and you’re alone with yourself again?
Start with how you talk to yourself
Self-love starts with how you talk to yourself, how you value yourself, and whether you keep your word to yourself.
Listen to what you say when you get something wrong. Would you say it to someone you love? Would you call her stupid? Tell her she ruins everything? Keep bringing up every mistake she’s ever made?
If you wouldn’t talk to her that way, why is it acceptable when you’re the one hearing it?
You can admit you made a mistake without making yourself the mistake. You still have to take responsibility. You just don’t have to insult yourself while you do it.
Does your word to yourself count?
When you promise someone you love that you’ll do something, does it matter to you to follow through?
Now think about the promises you make to yourself. Do those count too, or are they the first ones you cancel?
I’m not talking about keeping a perfect schedule. Sometimes a promise needs to change. But there is a difference between reconsidering what you can do and treating your own word as though it never mattered.
What is one promise you could make to yourself that you’re actually willing to keep? Start with that, rather than another grand announcement.
Treat yourself like someone you love
This is a big piece of self-love for me: treating yourself the way you treat someone else you love.
Think about what that looks like beyond buying her something nice. You listen to her. What matters to her matters to you. You can tell her the truth without treating her as worthless.
Can you offer yourself that same consideration?
I don’t believe you can ever really love another person unless you know how to love yourself. That’s how seriously I take this. It isn’t an extra you get around to once everyone else has been taken care of.
More than a self-care routine
Keep the massage if you want it. Keep the Pilates. But ask yourself what you’re doing about the way you speak to yourself and the value you place on your own word.
That’s where I’d start.
If self-love is a conversation you want at your women’s event, retreat, or community gathering, use the “Discuss your event” button on my homepage at sageoutloud.com. Tell me about your audience and what you want to talk about.