“I’ve done all this work on myself. Why am I still struggling?”
My first response? Congratulations. You may be uncovering more layers because you’re actually doing the work. Finding another one doesn’t automatically mean everything you’ve done so far has failed.
But what did you expect the finish line to look like? A completely healed version of yourself, floating on clouds and riding unicorns?
I don’t buy the pixie dust and sprinkles version of healing sold in the manifestation community. The idea that if you’re living the right way, everything will be wonderful. I don’t believe that’s true even for the people selling it.
Better doesn’t mean finished
I believe this work never ends. We can always grow more. We can always become more self-aware. That doesn’t mean our lives can’t get significantly better along the way.
I wouldn’t divide people into the healed ones and the ones still working on themselves. You can reach a healthy level of healing, have a life that is significantly better, and still have work to do.
Those things can exist together. The problem is expecting better to mean there’s nothing left to look at.
If you’re still struggling every day, though, I wouldn’t tell you to ignore that and congratulate yourself indefinitely. I’d want to ask two questions.
What kind of work are you doing?
Are you getting to the core of it?
Saying you’ve been working on yourself tells me that you’ve been putting in effort. It doesn’t yet tell me what you’ve been working on or whether it’s getting to what needs attention.
What’s actually changing? What keeps coming back? Is there something you haven’t been willing to look at?
Those are honest questions to ask yourself. You don’t have to dismiss the work you’ve done to question whether the work you’re doing now is what you need.
Are you looking at the gap or how far you’ve come?
Where you want to be can take up so much room that you stop noticing where you no longer are.
Ask yourself what is different now. What do you recognize that you didn’t recognize before? What do you handle differently? What have you stopped accepting or repeating?
If something has changed, let it count. Gratitude for how far you’ve come doesn’t mean pretending you’re happy with everything. It means giving yourself an honest accounting instead of only listing what’s still missing.
You can want more for your life without treating the life you’ve already improved as though it amounts to nothing.
There’s more to do. That doesn’t erase what you’ve done.
I want to keep growing. I don’t need to believe that one day I’ll be so healed that being human stops being difficult.
Look at the work itself. Look at what has changed. Then ask what needs your attention next.
If this is a conversation you want at your women’s event, retreat, or community gathering, use the “Discuss your event” button on my homepage at sageoutloud.com. Tell me about your audience and what you want them to think about.